ballroompink asked: How long do you stretch before a run?

What a great question! I am glad that the citizens of Pawnee are taking more interest in the wonderful world of exercise. I like to stretch from anywhere between fourteen minutes to thirty-seven minutes. There is literally no cons about a properly. stretched ham string. Take it from me.

boymayor asked: Chris, you are the most reliable person on the planet.

Ben, I am most positively certain that you are speaking about yourself, because you are clearly the most reliable person. However, I will take your compliment, and I thank you for it.

Dear Ben’s anon,

I have the eyes of a hawk, and my rule, while lenient and full of positive energy, is very set on laws. I think I’d know if any one of my employees were interested in a co-worker. This problem has arisen before, and it was literally nipped. at. the bud.

Sincerely,
Chris Traeger, Head of the Local Government in the Best Town Ever

Note to self and everyone in Pawnee:

A red-meat burger, no matter how delicious and savory, will never set as well as a lean, white meat.

political-dynasty:

boymayor replied to your post:Girl, don’t even play like you don’t know. It’s harris. you know, from animal control?

Uh, Harris, do you remember WHAT we were talking about at that time? That would probably help you out with your equipment problem…

Ooh! What did you guys talk about? Were you offering to help with his equipment problem Ben? I bet you are pretty good with other men’s equipment.

Ben Wyatt is exceptionally proffessional when it comes to other men’s equipment. There is literally no one I trust more with my equipment, especially since they tend to be. very. very large.

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 jerygergich replied to your post:  jerygergich replied to your post:I keep hearing…

Oh no no no it’s Jerry with two Rs! :) I accidentally spelt my name wrong when I first made this blog, do you know how to change it? Tom or April were supposed to get back to me but they never really got back to me with anything. Thank you ! :)

That makes much more sense, Jerry Gergich with two Rs. No, I’m truly sorry, I haven’t mastered the use of this website, but I’m sure if you literally keep fumbling around with your settings something. might. work. I believe.

 jerygergich replied to your post:I keep hearing about this Jerry guy! I literally need to meet him!

I’ve been here all this time!

Have you? It’s truly amazing how I’ve never noticed you! Well, hello, Jery Gergich (am I spelling that right? Jery?), it is literally a great pleasure. to meet. you.

I keep hearing about this Jerry guy! I literally need to meet him!

I thought I knew everyone in the Parks and Recreation department, but. apparently not. He must have literally just started.

thefirstmantoliveto150:

political-dynasty:

thefirstmantoliveto150:

I have literally a huge bag of acai berries and a wheat grass shake to share. This movie will. be. amazing.

I will join you if I can bring my candy necklaces…
What movie are you watching, Chris?

I’m watching Hop….
That sounds like the best idea I have ever heard. I literally cannot wait. Also, muesli is a grain, like oatmeal, and it is both delicious and incredibly. good for you.

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Who wants to see a movie with me?

political-dynasty:

thefirstmantoliveto150:

I have literally a huge bag of acai berries and a wheat grass shake to share. This movie will. be. amazing.

I will join you if I can bring my candy necklaces…
What movie are you watching, Chris?

I’m watching Hop. Candy is literally one of the worst things for you, Leslie Knopes, despite the type of movie. we are. watching. Perhaps the alternative? I made some dried passion fruit and mixed it with dry muesli.

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